Perpetual Virginity

Why is it so difficult for people to imagine that Mary never had sex with her husband Joseph?  The question feels crude in all my catholic sensibilities, yet it is a question I perpetually encounter from a wide variety of people.  They could be Christians, protesting Christians, confused Catholics, and atheists alike.  Its a legitimate question, but before we answer it, we have to take into consideration why people might "prefer" that Mary engaged in sexual intercourse with her Husband Joseph.  So I would like to take a look at some of the unspoken and spoken "attitudes" that may lead to this view.

1.  Is it possible to avoid having sex without being sexually repressed?

This question plagues many sensible minds, and certainly deserves a careful and intelligent answer.  Those who avoid sexual relationships because they see something intrinsically evil with sex are undoubtedly "repressed."  From an orthodox Christian view point, it is a heresy to view sexual intimacy as intrinsically evil or sinful.  Sex is in fact the first commandment of God for Adam and Eve - even prior to forbidding they eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  Sex is a natural and good, and sacred act.  Yet, if our people don't hear Christians saying this, and only hear what sex-acts are evil, it makes sense that they might think Christian's view sexuality in general as evil.  But anything the Church condemns in regard to sex is ultimately because it doesn't add up to the true order and beauty of what sexual intercourse is meant to communicate and illustrate.  

If sexual intimacy is so holy, why would it be good for someone to avoid?  Sexual intimacy is not the ultimate expression of love, and in fact sacrifice is.  Sacrifice is real when we give up something that is good.  The sacrifice of sexual acts, when done out of love, therefore makes such a sacrifice truly imbued with love.  But if a person resents their sexuality and the impulses of their affect to engage in sex, then it isn't a sacrifice at all, and therefore is devoid of love.  What could be worthy of such a life-long sacrifice?  Obviously something more intimate and more beautiful than sexual intercourse with one's spouse.  Spiritual union with God, of course.  For those who do not believe in God, this makes little sense.  For those who view God as nothing more than a moral ideological paradigm, this makes even less sense.  No one can be united "intimately" with ideology.  But if God is Personal, and known, it makes perfect sense.

2.  Sacred Scripture indicates Jesus had brothers and sisters!  Therefore claiming Mary was a perpetual virgin is contrary to scripture, and demonstrates nothing more than the Church holding to "human tradition" rather than the "word."

I appreciate one's love for scripture.  But this objection doesn't objectively "love" sacred scripture.  Subjectively the love might be there, but study is required to truly respect the scriptures.  The term "adelphoi" is employed in scripture to describe Jesus' "brother's and sisters.  The conclusion many protestants make is that this therefore proves Mary had engaged in sexual intercourse with Joseph, since scripture is using a term that implies as such.  Yet, scripture uses this term to invariably describe people who were not technically brothers and sisters.  Consider Matthew 15: 55-56, where it uses this Greek word to describe James, Joseph, Simon and Jude as brothers of the Lord.  Does this mean they are born of Mary?  Cross reference John 19: 25 with Matthew 27:56.  It becomes clear that these men were cousins, but not sons of Mary, even though the term "adelphoi" is being used.

All this proves, is that using the term "adophoi" doesn't necessarily indicate Jesus had biological brothers.  Scripture remains silent on clarifying if Mary, the mother of God had any more children.  

Another objection suggests that Mary was a "virgin until" the birth of Christ.  The term "until" therefore is interpreted to indicate that she was not a virgin after the birth of Christ.  On the surface this seems like a fair point.  However, the term "until" is constantly used in scripture, not to indicate something that happens afterward, but rather up to a certain point in time.  Jesus will remain with His Church "until the end of time."  This doesn't mean after time he will no longer remain united to the Church.  That would be absurd.  It is more likely that scripture made these points to emphasize something very important, which was that Jesus was born by the Power of the Holy Spirit as bringing to fulfillment the prophetic promise found in the Hebrew Scriptures.   It was likely that this was the major point of the author of the Gospels, rather than focusing on Mary's sexual activity after the birth of Jesus.  

3.  If Scripture is at best ambiguous or unclear on the subject, why can't we just assume the that Mary did what everyone else does when you are married?

Again, a good question.  But lets be honest - Mary isn't like everyone else who is married.  I know many parents would like to think their child is god, but lets be honest, only Mary wins these bragging rites.  After all, she is "blessed among all women" and this indicates likely a different and exceptional role in contrast with other people.  So lets spend some time examining the implications of being a mother of God.

When you are married, there is a notion that you only procreate with the person you married to.  However, we know that Mary was with child prior to consummating her marriage to Joseph.  Would it make sense for her to invite both God and Joseph into her womb?  Honestly think about that.  It is not your usual dilemma.  Perhaps Mary thought reserving her womb to only the Holy Spirit was the right thing to do, and that her marriage to St. Joseph was a unique type of relationship.  Imagine Joseph discerning this question:  "Does God intend me to procreate with my wife, after He opened her womb, which was reserved for God's birth?"

Perhaps in the whole discernment Mary thought that her womb would only be reserved to God alone, and in this way she sought a Spiritual Marriage to the Holy Spirit. 

4.  Why is it spiritually beneficial for Mary to not have a sexual and procreative relationship with Joseph but only God?

A few reasons come to mind.  One is that, Jesus is the new Adam and Mary is the new Eve.  This is the "new Creation" we are speaking about here.  This is a matter of redemption and a "new order" to things.  Mary and Jesus are not in a marital relationship like the first Adam and Eve, rather they are in a mother-son relationship.  Redemption is born of woman, and thus speaks intelligently of the role women will play in bringing Christ into the world.  Yet this birth of Christ is not meant to merely convey to us a "biological" type of salvation, rather it is a matter of a Spiritual Birth, whereby Christ is welcome into the world by being united to His will, and surrendering our life to Him.  Here we are seeing that God is exalting celibacy as a true and profoundly beautiful way to participate in his plan for redemption.  He reveals during His time on earth that heaven is what He is building, and this involves a Spiritual marriage to God.  This is the promise we see in the Old Testament, and this is being fulfilled in Christ.  Here Jesus, Himself remains unmarried; yet He remains untouched by these questions by most Christians.  

Christ has come to announce a new marriage that transcends the human marriage between men and women, which while not entirely lost in this life, is certainly not the ultimate good of our own existence.  This is proven when Christ reminds those who question Him that there is "no marriage in heaven."  Why?  Because there is only one spouse, and it is God.  

If Mary is the New Eve, she will demonstrate what the new created and redeemed order of things is, whereby her relationship with God is one of marriage.  While she experiences this marriage with the Holy Spirit, she is united to her Son in His same Spirit, and this illustrates our ultimate destiny.  Mary who is a woman who represents the elect people of God (as is made indistinguishable in the book of Revelation) she becomes the architype and icon of our own destiny.

Now, my question to you.  If your automatic reaction to celibacy is to doubt it's authentic practice, why does scripture constantly endorse it.  Jesus does when he speaks of Eunuchs' for the Kingdom of God.  St. Paul does when he says it would be better to remain unmarried, since the unmarried man or woman is zealous about the affairs of the world.  Why it is unlawful to forbid marriage, due to some false view of anthropology, it is likewise not unlawful to endorse celibacy as the Master Himself endorses it as a free-decision.  Wouldn't it therefore make sense that Jesus, who witnessed this lifestyle in His Mother and Father, also emulate it in His own life?   Are there people in the protestant Church that willingly promote and endorse Christ and St. Paul's notion of celibacy?  If not, does this not contradict, in practice, Sacred Scripture?

When we speak of Mary as a Perpetual Virgin, we are addressing two important things:  1) the dimension of our eschatology - whereby Mary represents the destiny of the entire Church; married to God.  2)  Mary gave her whole life and body-soul to God alone.  Is this something so bad to believe?  Why the cynicism about it?